You’ve just made it through yet another UK summer heatwave while running classes, training clients, producing shows and parties, choreographing routines, managing casting auditions, replying to emails, sourcing costumes, and juggling a dozen ongoing projects - all while people keep telling you “It’s really hot in here, isn’t it?”

YES!

It’s hot.

It’s hot in the studio.

It’s hot backstage.

It’s hot in the theatre.

It’s hot in the dressing rooms.

It’s hot during tech.

It’s hot under a few tons of stage lighting.

It’s hot when you're doing a performance in rhinestones and a corset while smiling through a false lash malfunction, and dehydration cramp.

And yes - you’ve been told that it's hot.
Again.
And again.
AND AGAIN!

Class and workshop members, personal training clients, performers, crew, show audiences - everyone has announced it like it’s a fresh discovery.

Meanwhile, you’re running a one-woman empire of glittered chaos, surviving on iced protein shakes, and the (literal!) burning rage of someone who hasn’t had a full day off since April.

✨ DELUSIONS OF THE MONTH:

 • “I’ll take a bit of a summer break at the end of August” - You have three more private events, five workshops, and a client asking for a last-minute immersive mermaid-based circus garden party.

 • “This time I’ll just gently glide into autumn.” - You fall face-first into a giant to-do list, a booking request that reads like a GCSE drama project, and someone emailing to ask if your late-night burlesque show is “family-friendly.”

 • “I’ll finally sit outside and read a book.” - You read emails. On your phone. While sitting near the book that you bought around three years ago, and still haven't got past the front cover.

✨ YOU MAY EXPERIENCE:

 • A vague desire to scream into a cooler box.

 • Losing your nipple tassels at least once every show due to the sheer amount of heat and sweat.
 • Rapidly air-drying your costumes on the truck/car parcel shelf before the next show stop.
 • Internal screaming while smiling onstage with no air-con available in the entire building.

 • A full existential meltdown over a broken fan and an unreadable USB.

 • A festival-friendly poly-box full of multiple opened (and leaking) sunscreens.

 • Packing three spare outfits in case your current one finally gives up the ghost in the heat.

 • Having to politely smile at yet another person who loudly (and too bloody obviously!) observes, “It’s a bit hot in here, isn't it?” while you’re trying not to dissolve into a glittery, sweaty puddle of lycra and rhinestones.

✨ POWER SURVIVAL TOOLS:

 • A very specific tone of voice that says, “YES - I KNOW IT’S BLOODY HOT,” without getting cancelled.

 • Setting spray, waterproof mascara, and industrial-strength deodorant.

 • A backstage fan rotation strategy that rivals a NASA flight plan.

 • Your signature “Do Not F*ck With Me” look - albeit very sweaty.

✨ BOSS LADY WISDOM:

You’ve got this. Sweat, sarcasm, sequins, and all.

You’ve smiled through heatstroke, restaged three acts in tech in 40-degree heat, and answered 87 emails in the dressing room between lash glue layers.

And when it all feels like too much?
Take five, regroup, rehydrate, and remember: Everyone will be complaining that it's too bloody cold in a month or two ... SHOW-FACE!

 ✨ FEELING THE HEAT TOO?

See what’s on and how to join the madness: 🔗JOIN US!

Boss Lady - Lara Gothique

Founder, Curator, Choreographer, Performer, Swamp-Witch, and Slightly Feral Producer of The Velvet Burlesque™

© Lara Gothique - Velvet Burlesque™
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